Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
