I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
