Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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