woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
