So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
