I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I skipped work to stalk him.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize