Church boner. Awkwardddd
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
