i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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