How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's blow job season.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
