So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.