I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
