So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
