Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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