Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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