I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
