if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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