i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
