It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
