Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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