so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
