I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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