No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
