yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
