i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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