You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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