So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
