its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
