turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
