thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
