i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
