but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
