our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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