He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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