Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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