I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
