I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
