Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
