I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
