I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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