Do you still have your period?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
