I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
