I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
