you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
