Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
