My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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