you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
