mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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