Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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