I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
