You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
