Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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