mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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