That's intense
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
