there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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