When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
