i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
