She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
