Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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