just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
