I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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